About Me:

Aloha! I'm Wendy Kennar. I'm the mother of a seven-year-old son and a wife living in Los Angeles. I was a public school teacher for twelve years until a chronic medical condition made it necessary to leave my teaching career.

I've always been described as "quiet" - really, I'm just biting my tongue. I've got lots to say, and lots of thoughts to share, I just prefer to write them. That's the purpose of this blog. Each Wednesday, I post a personal essay offering my observations and thoughts.

A few fun facts about me: I've wanted to be a writer since second grade, when my teacher, Mrs. Jones, made me a "book" with a yellow construction paper cover. I have never learned to whistle, have always preferred sunflowers to roses, and have spent my life living within the same zip code.

Through the years, my writing has been published in the Los Angeles Times, Christian Science Monitor, United Teacher, GreenPrints, L.A. Parent, DivineCaroline.com, RoleReboot.org, XOJane, and Brain, Child Magazine. Additionally, my personal essays have been included in several anthologies, including: The Barefoot Review, Beyond the Diaper Bag, Lessons From My Parents, Write for Light, Being a Grown-Up: A User's Manual for the Real World, Ka-Pow!, How Writing Can Get You Through Tough Times, Breath and Shadow, The Grey Wolfe Storybook, and Sisters Born, Sisters Found.
I am a regular contributor at MomsLA.com, and you can also find me at Goodreads.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog. Feel free to comment and share my blog with others!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A Letter

To Whom It May Concern:

F--- you!

Maybe that’s not the most “lady-like” way to say it, but that’s how I feel.  For two years now, you and I have been in an unhealthy, one-sided relationship.

You show up whenever it’s convenient for you.  You wake me from sleep, sometimes several times a night, just because you can.  You’re often on top of me first thing in the morning, as I struggle to awake and rise from bed.  You follow me to work.  And then sometimes you hide, and then just as I’m letting my guard down and starting to relax and feel like the old me, you re-appear at the most inopportune times - shortly before a bath, during dinner, while I’m playing with Ryan.  You do it just to let me know you’re still around and you’re still in charge.

I get it.  I know.  I’ve got the bottles of pills to prove it.

I’m so sick of it.  I’m tired of you.

How dare you come here and change my life!  Because that’s what you’ve done.  I go through the motions, try to keep my life the way it was, but it’s impossible.  And you enjoy that, don’t you?  Do you like seeing me bite my lip in pain?  Do you laugh as I try to massage my calf, knowing full well that my meager touch won’t do a thing to assuage the grip you have on my leg?

On top of everything else, you’re expensive.  You require a lot.  The prescriptions, the compression stockings that didn’t help, the acupuncture, the larger pants - because damn you, on top of everything else, these pills have made me put on some weight.

So, again, I say “f--- you!”  

Because you win, I can’t control you.  I can’t wave a magic wand and make you completely disappear nor can I predict when you’ll hit next.  

But don’t get too cocky.  You haven’t scored a complete victory.  I’m too stubborn to let you win that easily.  For all those times when I feel helpless, hopeless, and powerless, there are the other times.  Recently, I have also seen some moments of light.  I have had some good days or parts of days.  Days when I can walk, pain-free.  So I know it’s still possible.  

Still you’re there.  Always there, and maybe always will be there.  Doesn’t mean I have to like you.  Doesn’t mean I won’t keep fighting you.

So, for putting me through this hell, to my pain, all I can say is “F--- you!”



  1. Honey,
    Your are an incredible, beautiful and strong woman. I Love You with all of my heart. I can't wait for you to get more relief from this horrible pain that hits you at random moments. I am always here for you and love you forever!

  2. It just kills me that you are having to deal with so much pain.Even when I am not with you to see it I can always tell when talking to you on the phone if you are experiencing horrible pain.I know it is exactly 2 years that you have been going through such hell.You are one exceptional person that certainly does not deserve anything bad to have to deal with.I pray everyday that this horrible medical condition you are dealing with will leave you just as it came to you.I love you and I am so proud of you and I thank God for you everyday.

  3. You have gone on the attack and not pulled any punches. I am glad to hear that you ave moments that you almost feel normal. You are a very strong person. You Mother & I are proud of you. We are ready to help you in anyway we can.

    Love, Dad

  4. Oh my gosh - so powerful! Thank you for sharing your angst and frustration that you're feeling. No need to sugar coat this. You've been through hell. And you're still standing because you're a strong, beautiful woman!