I’ve changed my mind. Or maybe I should say, I’ve finally made up my mind. For a while now, I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo. I’ve talked about it with my loved ones, I’ve written about it, but I hadn’t acted on it. (In case you missed it, here’s the link to my blog post about the reasons why I was thinking of getting a tattoo: http://wendykennar.blogspot.com/2013/04/taking-back-my-legs.html)
My legs have been out of my control for four years now, yet a tattoo was something I would have total control over. I also wanted a permanent reminder that I was a “Pisces Princess.” Like many women I know, I’m quick to put the needs of others before my own, quick to try to compliment someone else while criticizing myself. I know I shouldn’t do those things, and I thought a visual reminder would help me make changes in my daily life that would influence me to behave differently and thus see myself in a different light. (Here’s the link to my blog post where I outlined the steps necessary for living like a Pisces Princess: http://wendykennar.blogspot.com/2013/12/protocol-for-pisces-princess.html)
I’ve always been too-critical of myself, and within the last few years, I’ve see-sawed between becoming even harder on myself and finally lightening up and treating myself more gently. But in the last few weeks, I’ve experienced increased levels of pain and exhaustion. With that comes increased levels of unhappiness and self-criticism.
I certainly wasn’t treating myself like a Pisces Princess. And then it occurred to me. Having the tattoo wouldn’t change my mindset. For several weeks, I’ve been wearing a pendant attached to my anklet -- a pendant resembling the Pisces symbol. It was my “try-out,” until I made a decision about the tattoo. I saw the anklet, I knew what it represented, but it didn’t change the fact that I was putting myself down. And I knew then that a tattoo wasn’t the answer.
I realized that a tattoo would mean an extra expense and extra pain but wouldn’t guarantee that I would start treating myself more gently. There’s really no magic charm to ward off feelings of inadequacy and self-pity.
So even without the tattoo, I know I am a Pisces Princess. Whether I feel like it or not.