Dear Ryan

Dear Ryan,

   Do you ever feel like you have two different mommies?  They’re both me, it’s just that sometimes I feel like two different mommies.

   For half the year, I’m teacher-mommy.  That’s who I am right now.  I’ve been leaving the house earlier and I miss seeing you wake up.  I miss hearing you call out, “Ma, Da, Ry.”  I miss the first hug of the day, the first kiss of the day, the first rub of your satiny-soft cheek.  This past week, we haven’t shared our first hug and kiss until the afternoon.  Late afternoon.  And by then, I’m tired-teacher-mommy.  I’ve spent all day with other boys and girls - hugging them, making sure they’re safe, making sure they’re listening and following directions, making sure they’re learning.  And I’ve missed doing all those things with you.

   I know you’re having fun during the day.  I know these days are probably harder for me than for you.  And I’m glad you’re not missing me.  But, you have to know I’m missing you.  A lot.

   Soon, I’ll be on-vacation-mommy.  I’ll be home to feed you three meals a day.  I’ll be home to play “squish” with you first thing in the morning.  I’ll be home to sit on the sidewalk and color with our chalk.  I’ll be home to take you to the swings and push you high-in-the-sky.  

   When I’m on vacation, I won’t be waking up at 5 each morning, unless you decide you’re ready to start our day.  I won’t have papers stacked on my desk, waiting for me to grade.  I’ll have more energy to play puzzles on the floor or sing “head-shoulders-knees-and-toes.”

   Sweet Pea, even when I’m exhausted-teacher-mommy, please know that I am always your mommy.  I am honored to be your mommy.  You are what I am most proud of in my life.  My life is for you.  

   I give hugs and kisses and love to children at school.  But I never run out.  I always have an endless supply of hugs and kisses and love for you.  You are my number 1!  

   Ryan, I love you.  I tell you every day, and I won’t ever stop telling you - I love you one hundred, thousand, million, billion, trillion, gazillion, every minute of every day!

Love, 

Mommy