Just a Ring

“Being hugged by family members you’ve never met in your life

makes it a Wedding,

Gold makes it a 

Marriage.”

The tagline above was written for the World Gold Council and served as an advertisement in a recent edition of the Los Angeles Times.  I read it twice, not quite believing what I was reading.

I know these words are intended to help sell jewelry.  But these words are wrong.  Very wrong.

First of all, I’m not a gold person.  My wedding band is made of white gold, looking silver, which does not diminish the value of my marriage.  Secondly, a ring is a physical object.  If my ring was ever lost or stolen, I’d be devastated.  My ring would be gone but would eventually be replaced by another.  My marriage would not be devastated.  My marriage would not be replaced.

A marriage is a commitment.  It’s a legal contract that is not entered into without careful consideration.  A marriage requires work and maintenance.  A marriage means you’ve got someone looking after you, watching your back, holding your hand so you don’t fall, but if you do, that person is right there to help you up and kiss the hurt away.

I’m married twelve years, some of which have been easier and happier than others.  We said our “I Do’s” at a local wedding chapel.  Our reception consisted of cake and champagne in my parents‘ living room.  

Thirty-six years ago, my parents traveled to Las Vegas to exchange their wedding vows.  Silver bands are worn on their left hands.  My parents were, and are, my model for a good marriage.  Two people who genuinely like spending time with each other.  Two people who sometimes annoy each other but still kiss and say “good-night” each evening. 

I think we need to get away from this whole fairy-tale wedding equals fairy tale marriage idea.  No such thing.  The wedding lasts one day.  A few hours.  It’s the marriage that is important.  It’s the marriage we need to pay attention to.