I don’t always sleep alone, and I haven’t for years.
In my memory, the first bear that kept me company during the night was a bear resembling Winnie the Pooh. He was the color of sand and wore a striped shirt that didn’t quite cover his belly. He was a gift from my Godfather; a man I had heard about but didn’t meet until years later on my wedding day.
Then I slept with “Michael,” a bear I named after my older brother. Michael was home from his army training and brought my sister and I each a small teddy bear. Michael had a string on the top of his head, and I often looped my finger through it, watching Michael dangle and dance while my Michael was probably marching in Germany. Teddy- bear-Michael wore a red sweater, and he was my comfort when I worried about an oral presentation in school or an upcoming test.
Now, I’m 35 years old, and still seek comfort and company in a teddy bear. This bear is lavender and holds a felt purple pillow to his tummy that proclaims I am the “#1 Mom.” (I think my mom deserves that distinction). My son and my mom gave me this bear to celebrate my first Mother’s Day. During the day, he rests on my bedside table. At night, he’s often in my arms.
My days are over-planned leaving me with no choice but to keep moving. At night though, things change. The house is quiet. I want to sleep and need to sleep, and yet I can’t always relax and let go of all my preoccupations. My little purple bear is my worry doll. He’ll worry for me and protect me during the night so that my mind and body may rest.
The bears change, the reasons for worry change, the need for a teddy bear remains.
Honey,
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that you have some time off coming this winter break! It will be a well deserved time away from the stress of work. I am looking forward to our time together.
I Love You!
Paul
I still have my very first bear I got on my 2nd birthday. He sleeps with me every night! I call him, Ben. I got that name from that show called Grizzly Adams. The bear's name was, Ben. He's got an eye missing and just recently found out that it was my brother that took it off just for the hell of it. I always thought it must've been me that did it through the years. I even have him in a baby outfit my brother used to wear when he was just a baby. It's nice to have something to hug and comfort you even if it's a childhood toy. I know the feeling. Nice article.
ReplyDeleteI never really had stuffed animals as a child,but thinking back after reading your blog I think it would have really helped me if I had with my childhood.I remember your "bears" and how you always enjoyed them and still do and it does me good to hear how it helps you out.You have way too much stress in your life and hopefully some of it will slip away shortly.I always love reading your work.I love you and I am so proud of you.
ReplyDeletelove,mommy
Where can I find a worry bear for your Mother? She spends a lot of nights worrying about things that she has no control over. Perhaps, if she had a worry bear to share her burden, life would be easier for her. As always, your blog, stimulates a lot of thought. Your Mother & I are proud of you.
ReplyDeleteLove, Dad
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