The Look of Love

   As a young girl, I was never a “hearts” person.  There was nothing wrong with hearts, I just preferred stars.  (I had wanted to be an astronaut, after all).  

   But, I’m not a young girl any more, and when I stop to think about it, I realize that I have more heart items than star items.

   For instance, on my desk, I have a collection of hearts.  It’s an unintentional collection that has grown over time.  By “unintentional,” I mean I didn’t plan on collecting hearts.  It just sort of happened.  Some of the hearts were gifts.  A few of the hearts, I bought for myself.  One is all that remains from a broken necklace.  Basically, they’re sparkly and pretty, and I enjoy looking at them.

   The hearts sit on my desk; the “mission control of our home,” as my husband refers to it.  My desk is where I plan menus for the week, pay bills, and write.  And I write with my heart.  With honesty, passion, integrity, and love.  

   Although lately I must admit that I haven’t been doing a very good job of loving myself.  My family?  Yes.  Myself?  Not so much.  I push myself too hard and criticize myself too much.  And so last week, I decided to carry one of the hearts in my pocket as a reminder to be more patient, more understanding, and more loving towards myself.  

   It didn’t work.  I did finger the heart throughout the day.  I rubbed the heart while my calf throbbed.  I rubbed the heart while listening to my son read a book.  But really, having that heart with me just made me feel rather anxious, afraid that the heart would somehow slip out of my pocket, and I would lose it.  So I haven’t repeated that particular experiment.

   As I’ve gotten older, and my life has changed, I suppose it makes sense that I’m now gravitating away from stars and more towards hearts.  

   A while back, I was given a copy of Drew Barrymore’s book Find It in Everything.  The book is a collection of photographs of hearts she found in daily life.  In the preface of the book, Barrymore writes about the pure essence of a heart; the fact that a heart has no negative connotations associated with it.  A heart is goodness and love.  Pure and simple.  

   She goes on to  say that a heart is powerful; “the way that one continuous line accomplishes the most extraordinary thing -- it conveys love.”