Sometimes life, (well, my life anyway), feels like a roller coaster. You strap yourself in and hang on. You wait it out. And sometimes there’s not much more than that for you to do. You have no control over trajectory or speed. You can keep your eyes open, or shut them tight. You scream with terror while adrenaline pounds through your veins. But once you’re on, you’re on. There’s no getting off, there’s no slowing down, you wait for the ride to stop. You just have to wait it out.
That’s where my life feels like right now. The past couple of weeks have been quite the roller coaster ride. Moments of joy and laughter, and then, the ride starts to descend, the speed picks up, and there’s panic. In the past couple of weeks I’ve taken my son to the pony rides in Griffith Park and to Urgent Care. I’ve had nights of six hours of sleep and nights of three hours of sleep. I’ve spent time crying in pain, and breathing sighs of relief that my discomfort had eased up. Most of it, though, is out of my control.
I’ve decided I’m ready to ride the carousel. I’ve always liked merry-go-rounds. You can see where you’re going, there’s charming ice-cream-truck music accompanying your ride, and there are the horses that are decorative and pretty, that raise you up gently and bring you back down. The ride’s more predictable, but a lot more steady, a lot more relaxing.
I think my ride on the roller coaster isn’t done yet. But when it is, I’m getting in line for the merry-go-round.